We are all ruined.

In one way, or another.

How do I help, what can I say or do? I can only listen, empathize. I can't offer any advice, or any answers.

Wish I was a better sister, a better daughter, a better friend, a better person, a better child of God.

Be good.

Be good, Noelle, be good.

Dear God, help me control.
Be the one in control.

It's haunting me.

I can't forgive myself.

If only I didn't overreact, why did it bother me so much?!? It was just a wrong order, why must I become so upset?!?

I only ruined the almost wonderful day. It was suppose to be good. In the end.. It was nothing but a disaster.

How much can you hate yourself??

I hate who I am now, how I react to things, how my thoughts have changed. Everyone should also just hate me. I don't deserve anyone's "it's ok". How can I be like that?!

They said "don't worry" and "it's ok" when I apologized. Thing is, it's not. I don't think so. I really can't forgive myself for my behavior.

It's bugging me like crazy. I'm replaying the scenerio in my head and I wish I didn't react so crazily, as if my whole world had crash. It was just a mis order!!! Why couldn't I just accept it, and have a wonderful dinner? And I can't even make up for it anytime soon.

Every past action that I did is just haunting me. I cant get it off my mind. I can't sleep. I want to disappear, then everyone including myself won't get hurt. I'm a horrible friend. Im not being hard on myself, because it's the truth.

Every night I tell myself, "tomorrow I must be good", but I always fail. I don't deserve God's grace - how far have I fallen already? I'm not reflecting Christ, I'm not reflecting the God who I believe in.. I'm disgracing God. It's so bad, so that's why if only I could disappear. If I can't seem to do good, then at least it will be I won't be doing bad.

Hate how I always seem to overreact to everything that doesn't agree with me.. I am so self-centred. Even this whole post is "I" and more "I"s. So everyone needs to stay away from me.

And the end.

Changed after exchanged. A very bad change.

Sucks to be me, and sucks to be Noelle's friend.

I can't believe how I just ruined my day just like that. It's haunting me yes, and I can't get over it. Its consuming my whole mind now still even after typing and typing. I reply the scene in my head, I wish I could just say "ok, wrong order, NEVERMIND, I don't mind.", and just move on. How stupid am I?!?

This can just go on forever.

Stupid girl forever and ever and ever. Someone should just beat me up next time.

too nice.

too nice people for a too horrible me.